I’m Not Well But Thanks For Asking

I’m not in the best of health, to be honest, but thanks for asking. Good to know you care about your case here.

I’ve been wondering about that.

I was filed in state court a long time ago, and you were served soon after.

But you still — at this late date — don’t understand the elements in the case.

How are you going to defend me when you don’t even know the elements?

Did you try to dismiss the claim? If you did, I missed it. I bet the order denying your motion came down fast.

Seriously, can I get a little help over here?

I mean, I know you tried, but your answer to the complaint did me no good.

Was there no way to deny at least one of those allegations? Do we have anything to fight with?

I’m getting beat up. You don’t see it yet, but at this rate I think we’re going to lose.

Or rather, you will lose me if you keep this up.

Strategy goes a long way, buddy. It just takes some thought about how you want this to end. And a little bit of planning on how we get there.

But you gotta put in some work. And I don’t mean the busywork you’ve been doing.

I mean the right work.

Like, please please please do some legal research on cases in our state to find the elements of the claim. You can’t do anything for me without them.

Find an affirmative defense to keep me alive. Summary judgment will just make me cry. And you too.

If needed, get the court’s permission to amend our answer with some denials and affirmative defenses. A counterclaim would be extra nice. Pow!

You won’t believe what a shot in the arm that would be for me.

And then let’s get some discovery going. Isn’t there something we can ask the plaintiff to help defeat their case? Snap to it!

But until you’re willing to do that, I have to follow Marshawn Lynch:

Actually. I’ll just lie down in the corner over here until you’re ready to win.

So thanks for asking about me. I know you mean well.

But I hope you get it together soon. Because it doesn’t have to be this way.

It just doesn’t.

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If you’re a case like me whose defendant isn’t up to the task, listen up!

Don’t let this happen to you.

Tell your defendant that they must do more than show up. They must show out — legal analysis, research, good-looking docs, oral argument– the whole kit and caboodle.

You have no time to waste. The next blow could be a knockout.

As for me, well, I’ll keep sending good vibes to my defendant until we’re finished for good.

But yeah, thanks for asking.