Courtroom5

Be Your Own Lawyer

  • How It Works
  • Join Courtroom5
  • Resources
    • The Courts Are Ours
    • Litigation Lifecycle
    • Free 5-Day Course
    • Legal Research
    • Sample Docs
  • Training
  • Workshops
  • Community
  • Blog
  • Sign In
  • My Courtroom5
    • View Subscription
    • Edit Account
    • Edit Profile
  •  

October 13, 2016 By Sonja Ebron 7 Comments

I’m Not Well But Thanks For Asking

I’m not in the best of health, to be honest, but thanks for asking. Good to know you care about your case here.

Thanks for askingI’ve been wondering about that.

I was filed in state court a long time ago, and you were served soon after.

But you still — at this late date — don’t understand the elements in the case.

How are you going to defend me when you don’t even know the elements?

Did you try to dismiss the claim? If you did, I missed it. I bet the order denying your motion came down fast.

Seriously, can I get a little help over here?

I mean, I know you tried, but your answer to the complaint did me no good.

Was there no way to deny at least one of those allegations? Do we have anything to fight with?

I’m getting beat up. You don’t see it yet, but at this rate I think we’re going to lose.

Or rather, you will lose me if you keep this up.

Strategy goes a long way, buddy. It just takes some thought about how you want this to end. And a little bit of planning on how we get there.

But you gotta put in some work. And I don’t mean the busywork you’ve been doing.

I mean the right work.

Like, please please please do some legal research on cases in our state to find the elements of the claim. You can’t do anything for me without them.

Find an affirmative defense to keep me alive. Summary judgment will just make me cry. And you too.

If needed, get the court’s permission to amend our answer with some denials and affirmative defenses. A counterclaim would be extra nice. Pow!

You won’t believe what a shot in the arm that would be for me.

And then let’s get some discovery going. Isn’t there something we can ask the plaintiff to help defeat their case? Snap to it!

But until you’re willing to do that, I have to follow Marshawn Lynch:

Actually. I’ll just lie down in the corner over here until you’re ready to win.

So thanks for asking about me. I know you mean well.

But I hope you get it together soon. Because it doesn’t have to be this way.

It just doesn’t.

—————

If you’re a case like me whose defendant isn’t up to the task, listen up!

Don’t let this happen to you.

Tell your defendant that they must do more than show up. They must show out — legal analysis, research, good-looking docs, oral argument– the whole kit and caboodle.

You have no time to waste. The next blow could be a knockout.

As for me, well, I’ll keep sending good vibes to my defendant until we’re finished for good.

But yeah, thanks for asking.

More Like This:

  • Don’t Answer A Complaint Without A Court OrderDon’t Answer A Complaint Without A Court Order
  • Things To Remember When Writing The Answer And Affirmative DefensesThings To Remember When Writing The Answer And…
  • Elements Are Everything In LitigationElements Are Everything In Litigation

Tagged With: case analysis, Case Manager, litigation strategy

ARE YOU READY FOR COURT? LEARN WHAT IT TAKES TO WIN YOUR CASE.

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Sonja Ebron

About Sonja Ebron

Sonja Ebron is a co-founder at Courtroom5. She enjoys being underestimated in court and lives to catch a lawyer in a procedural error.

Comments

  1. Des Tiny says

    April 13, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    This was pretty funny.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Join Courtroom5 Courtroom5 Membership $19.00 / month
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Learn To Manage Your Case In 5 Days

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Latest Tweets

  • Tweet Avatar Legal Notices. They're Not Sexy, But They Help Move Your Case Along - Courtroom5 #accesstojustice https://t.co/GoBCy2cFaa 1 week ago
    Reply Retweet Favourite
  • Tweet Avatar RT @kalteneder: Important food for thought for #ATJ reformers, innovators and technologists. The rule of law demands that humans us… https://t.co/EXaOWGkRyv 3 weeks ago
    Reply Retweet Favourite
  • Tweet Avatar When You Understand Motions And Pleadings You Can Escape Dull Forms and Take Over Your Case - Courtroom5… https://t.co/oF19MS1kTz 1 month ago
    Reply Retweet Favourite
  • Tweet Avatar Defending and Opposing the Motion to Compel Answers To Discovery - Courtroom5 #accesstojustice https://t.co/O8mjdEOa2r 1 month ago
    Reply Retweet Favourite
  • Tweet Avatar Tips For Surviving Court Hearings - Courtroom5 #accesstojustice https://t.co/LEZ8VSYVlH 1 month ago
    Reply Retweet Favourite
Follow @courtroom5legal

Popular Posts

  • How To Plead A Condition Precedent To A Claim
  • How To Oppose A Motion For Summary Judgment
  • 11 Things To Consider When You Need To Sue
  • The Interlocutory Appeal — What, Why and How
  • Martin Luther King Jr On Law and Order
  • Terms
  • Privacy
  • About Us
  • Contact Us

© 2019 Burlington Avenue Information Technology, LLC (dba Courtroom5®)
No legal advice is offered through this website or any services offered herein.